Shedding the mask

In my meeting today at work I had a panic attack again. I usually take beta blockers but I thought this would be a short informal meeting, and also I don't like to take meds so frequently, so I didn't take a pill. When it was my turn to speak I felt nervous and soon the waves of panic came over me and I struggled to speak.

I pretended I had something in my throat (my usual excuse!) and I hoped no one realised I was nervous. But after the meeting I couldn't help feeling unsettled.. I wanted to shed the mask of confidence I usually try to put on and let people know the real me. I shouldn't be ashamed because I have done nothing wrong, and this is a medical condition which I have no control over. 

Later today I decided to have a quick word with my manager and just let him know my issue. I thought it was going to be a really embarrassing chat but actually it was fine, he was understanding which helped. 

So today was a good and bad day overall. I had a painful experience that I have not had to go through for a while thanks to the meds, but I was also able to let someone else get a bit closer to the real me, and that felt great.